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I Can't

A/N: I just can't help myself.. The plot just formed after listening to this song.

As Kai waited for Minji in the restaurant to have their regular lunch, he gather his thoughts together. Both of them had even celebrated their 4th anniversary together not too long ago. Thinking back, they were so young when they start calling each other their other half. He still remember clearly that they became official at a park that was then filled with cherry blossoms, a place he himself wish to propose to when he have a girl to call his own.

Their dates were fresh and filled with many anticipations. He even learnt to dress himself up more often than he usually does whenever he has to go out with her. His best friend has always tease him about trying too hard to impress her and he fully agree that he overdid it most of the time. They had their share of laughters for that ever since he learnt that Minji does the same as him as well.

There were photos that they took during their dates in his room and he had one of his favourite polaroid placed in his wallet as a reminder for him of what Minji is to him. Taking out his wallet, he look back at the photo that is almost fading away, he was in a simple white v neck top and Minji was in her favourite fitting black Adidas top. In the photo, they were facing each other, Kai looking down at Minji with a loving expression as his forehead rest on hers and she look up to him with the same loving look, all the while both their hands tightly intertwined. They were so much in love that nothing could get in their way and that was the picture from their 2nd Valentine's Day together.

When he had schedules that last him till past his resting time, he even drag himself to meet his girlfriend because he knew that her face could brighten up his day. Her pretty face and sense of humour was enough to keep him energise for the rest of the day. Their constant exchange be it physical or virtual through phone texts or calls, it was their daily addiction. That was how much Kai loves her. No, that is how good they used to be.

The excitement fluttering of feelings for Minji is slowly coming to a stop when she used to be his everything. Even the thought of being with just her fades away as time flies, something he never thought would change between them. Maybe that just proves how comfortable they are with each other now. Their arguments last longer that it would when they first started and he finds himself getting annoyed at the flow of their conversation at times.

After thinking through for so many sleepless nights, Kai decided to tell her on where they are heading with their relationship. After rehearsing his speech, today was finally the day, and he silently anticipates to talk to her about it or at least if he was able to get courage to even bring it up again. Kai saw Minji entered the restaurant and walks toward his seat, he saw how frantic she was as his girl approach him before he heard an apology from her for being late.

As she gets comfortable in her seat, Minji ask if had ordered and Kai simply shook his head. He signalled to the waiter and ordered the usual for both of them. After he made the order, the table they shared fell silent. It was as if they had said everything they wanted to each other the past years and as of late there was nothing to be shared among them. He fell back into his own memories of them together, how they used to laugh and talk about anything under the sun. When their meals came, he was brought back to reality and remember how they use to feed each other to try the food and yet now they are just silently digging into their own meals.

Kai watch his girl ate and took the time to look at her carefully. Back then, his heart would race everytime he eyed her but now, the beat of his heart was beating normally with no sense of excitement at all. He had no idea for how long his mind wander off but he was brought back to his senses when Minji hold his hand and look at him with a worried expression. It was then he knew, he had no guts to voice it out to her, he just can't. Her concern and love she show him every now and then manage to seep through his confusing thoughts and change his opinions time and time again. Smiling at her, Kai shakes his head and start eating his food.

As he ate, the thoughts of them appeared again and suddenly it does not know if it's right to do what he intended to do. Him without her and her without him, he sighed just at the thought of her not being by his side. He was in such a conflict with his own feelings he don't even know what is right and wrong anymore. He contemplates on bringing the topic up but just the look on her face makes him step down from those intentions yet again.

Finishing their lunch silently, he called out for the bill and while waiting for his card to be returned from the transaction, they had a small casual talk on how their day was going and that was mostly it. Once the payment was made, they head out of the restaurant together and just exchange a peck on the lips as goodbye before separating. Normally, Kai would send her back to her workplace but as he look at her disappearing back, he knew that he couldn't bring himself to tear them apart. Sighing again into his own thoughts, he walks the opposite direction.

Taking out his phone, he searched Minji's contact to drop her a text. Typing in on how he hopes she reach her work safely and even ended with a saranghe but just as he typed the last word, he stopped momentarily. Reading the message again, he sighed before he lock his phone and left the message in the draft, joining the rest of which was not sent to her.


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